SO I WILL BITCH SOME MOAR.
8D 8D 8D

Maybe I am..
A bit jealous.
Just a bit.
But it's brushing by.

I mean..
I have him.
She doesn't.

But I can't help but feel a bit uneasy.
I mean.. Like..
She gets the privilige to actually..
Date him.
I don't.
She could..
Do all the couple stuff. xD
All that shiz I cant do.
Why?
Because I'm in a fuckin' other country.
Curse you distance. -_-

Like..
She can tell all her friends.
Well.. Not like I hide it..
I just dont go 'round being like "Zomgz!111oneone I haz a bf lololololo
-_-
Well..
Also my whole school thinks I'mma lesbian so that would be odd. >.>
So whatever. xD

Anywhoo.
AS I WAS BITCHING ABOUT EARLIER.
She could like.. D=
Hold hands.. And hug him..
And kiss him.. D=
And stuff..
And eat with him and all that cute and cheesey mushy stuff. D=

Which is why it's now my life mission to go down there for christmas. T.T;
VICTORY WILL BE MIIIIINE! DX
FOR SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
...
...
...
*shot.*

DX~!

I swear..
I have fucking issues here..

.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:14 PM):
so are we back together or are we still on a break =O?
--.: Etincelle says (4:14 PM):
Can we be back together, pretty please?
*He signs out.. >.> Stupid msn ruining the mood...*
--.: Etincelle says (4:17 PM):
welcome back
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:17 PM):
finally back
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:17 PM):
thanks
--.: Etincelle says (4:17 PM):
xD
--.: Etincelle says (4:17 PM):
Mhm
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:17 PM):
and yes. Yes we can *kisses you on the lips*
--.: Etincelle says (4:18 PM):
=kisses back.= And no more stupid breakups?
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:18 PM):
no more
--.: Etincelle says (4:18 PM):
So you're all mine from now on?
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:19 PM):
well.. i still gotta go friday
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:19 PM):
but i won't kiss her or anything
--.: Etincelle says (4:19 PM):
I'll allow it if you're my boyfriend again =P
--.: Etincelle says (4:19 PM):
Now, not later.
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:20 PM):
alright
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:20 PM):
I'm your boyfriend *kisses you on the lips*
--.: Etincelle says (4:20 PM):
=kisses back.= Good. So you only lasted less than three days =P
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:21 PM):
yah yah =P *kisses you on the neck*
--.: Etincelle says (4:21 PM):
Still awkward to be with me?
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:23 PM):
nah
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:23 PM):
we kiss a lot
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:23 PM):
even when we're not going out
--.: Etincelle says (4:24 PM):
Hard to resist
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:24 PM):
yah
--.: Etincelle says (4:24 PM):
Not like you tried to stop me xD
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:24 PM):
well
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:24 PM):
i was the one that did most of the kisses
--.: Etincelle says (4:25 PM):
Trueeee.

So life's back to normal. =P
Much better.
Now i wont freaking die from lack of nutrition xDD
And I'm happy again<3

He's dating her NEXT Friday.
Dumping her NEXT Saturday.
So i still gotta wait ._.
I don't feel bad for her.
She's the one who knew he just broke up with his girlfriend of two years.
No guy or girl could do that.
That's called rebounding.
He's mine .___.
Gtfoho.

At least he's having a miserable time.
Songs that remind him of me keep coming on xD
Lose Urself - Family Force 5
Good!
Wait. o///o That means stuff reminds him of me~.
x3

Kay so.
...
I forgot what I was gunna say.
Hm.

Listeing to Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars"
I lsitened to it when I was trying to get over my ex girlfriend.
Irony is that..
He loves this song. I do too.
And now I'm listening to it again, when I'm... Single..

I REMEMBER~!
I've lost weight. o_o
Within less than a week, I've lost 5lbs.
I can't eat or sleep.
See what breakups do to me?! xD
BREAK UPS: THE BEST WEIGHT LOSS FORMULA!

I almost fainted in school.
A few times.
I also broke down crying in class again today.. x-x

o_o; He asked to kiss me...
sdjkfhgdfjkglbdfth ;kltdhjbtk hhjtrnhrlk;
Dx!
I don't care if it's cheating..? D: =bad person.=
Well to be honest..
He asked to french me. xD

Anywhoo. @_@
I'll be giving an update all night.
So check back for that damn EDIT part. XD

I seriously have problems.. >_>;

EDIT:

.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (7:27 PM):
-hugs back- you're all i think of at school
--.: Etincelle says (7:27 PM):
How come?
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (7:29 PM):
Just all i ever care about

EDIT AGAIN:
We're trying to work it out.

.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (11:52 PM):
I'll just tell her i'm not over you which isn't a lie and that i don't wanna replace you with her
--.: Etincelle says (11:54 PM):
Most guys can't break up with their girlfriends and be over them in less than a week. =squeezes your hand gently.= Do.. Do you really not wanna replace me?
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (12:02 AM):
Why would i want to?
--.: Etincelle says (12:03 AM):
Because you have a chance for something real, silly..
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (12:06 AM):
No
--.: Etincelle says (12:06 AM):
Huh? o.o
--.: Etincelle says (12:09 AM):
What do you mean "no"?
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (12:12 AM):
No replace kami
--.: Etincelle says (12:12 AM):
Why not?
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (12:13 AM):
Cause i said so


Apparently.
He cant resist temptation. =P
He said he loved me today.
He asked if he could.
Feels nice.. <3

--.: Etincelle says (2:12 AM):
Niiiiight~ <33 =snuggles up closer.=
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (2:13 AM):
Night <333>

I woke up. o_o
Feeling kinda okay.

He regrets it already. >.>
Good!
But she already accepted -_-
So he has to choose which girl he wants.
Not gunna write much.
I will later tonight. >.>

Thanks for reading, sweetie. =D <3

So what do you do.
When the thing you lived for..
Is taken away?
You have nothing to live for.
Bleh -.-
This is so stupid.
TT_________TT;


Apparently he wants me back.
Apparently he can hardly resist the temptation.
But yet he still needs two weeks.
Why?

Two weeks is enough time to lose all hope and start trying to move on...

He wont talk to me, go fucking figure.
But..
He calls me Sigyn. And he's Loki.
Sigyn is Loki's wife that even after h betrayed her, and had bastard children with another woman, she held a bowl over his head to save him from having snake venom pour on his face.
Loki is the god of mischief.
So does this mean he'll cheat on me?
And fuck another girl?
Would explain why he bought a condom.
I'm slowly getting angry.
You don't fucking replace your girlfriend with someone so much like her.
You don't replace her just because you're bored of her.

AND I HAVE TO FUCKING COME ONLINE AND WAIT FOR HIM WHILE HE TALKS TO THAT FUCKING LITTLE BITCH.
Yeah.
I can get angry.
Just..
Not when he's round.
So go ahead.
Sleep with her.
Maybe if you're fucking lucky I'll wanna speak to your face.
Even kiss her.
Fucking betray me more, and I won't have a life with you.
And I'll fucking get into all that shit no one wants me to.
I'll be the "bad girlfriend".

Shit.
I could do so much better than this fucking abuse.

You don't make love to your girlfriend when you don't love her.
That's just low, even for you.


I'm just the girl next door.

Today sucked.
I almost broke down.
The end.

So.
Last night we took a temporary break.
For two weeks.
And.. I already cant handle it.
I want him..
But he likes someone else now..
So he's going out on a date with her. ;-;
And I'm just.. Gunna be alone..
And it hurts..
I cant eat or sleep.
My heart wont stop fucking hurting..
I just.. Wanna be good enough for him...

--

So it's day one. I'm giving a day by day update. Why? Iuno..
Couldn't sleep last night. Woke up every hour or so and felt completely and utterly alone.
I have to be his best friend again..
So it's morning now. Talking to him.
I'm a fucking masochist.
He said.. maybe we'll shorten it.
He wants me there every day.
And it hurts.
More than anything else.. ;-;
I dont know if I can take this..
What if he likes his date with her?
What if he doesn't want me?

She's fucking.. So much like me..
Just real.
Just.. More out-going.
She's not shy..

After two years.. I wasn't good enough? x_x

If you read this, no telling anyone.. ._. But well, me.
Don't tell him..
Just let him be happy..

But I haveta let you go.
I cant let you go, boy.

..Bleh.
I keep trying to be happy.
And failing.
All I do is try to make him happy.
But does it work?
Rarely.
And so my happiness was lost.
And my heart started to feel less ad less.
It's freezing all over again..
Will this fall apart..?
Will I lose you..?

When I'm with you, everything seems better
We were meant to be together
I'm in pain when you're away
Come on and save me I'm loosing my touch
Day after day cause I miss you so much
Come on and save me I'm loosing my mind
Waiting and waiting for you to be mine

I'm sick. x.x
Again.
It sucks.
And I cant eat anything without feeling sicker.
For the past week Dx

A lot of people don't exactly.. Know a lot about me.
Then again I don't really tell anyone.
My life contrasts in many ways.
One second is Heaven, the other is the equivalent of Hell.
You know something's wrong when you gotta fake yourself with your boyfriend.
Well anyways, let's get on with the story.

Last night I was told by my darling mother that once I turn eighteen and graduate from high school, I am no longer welcome under her roof. So I am being kicked out of my own house once I graduate. This is.. Lovely.

Secondly, my mother seems to believe if I were to have a spare period during school hours, I would not like I had planned, sit in the library and get a jump start on homework, but become a hooker, druggie, drug-dealer, steal from stores, cut myself, become an alcoholic, pop pills, and drink+pop pills to try and commit suicide.
What a darling way for a parent to think of their child and tell them.

She also proceeds to tell me that I'm pretty much a failure, and tells her friends I'm the problem child. Also that I am "verbally abusive" to her, whilst the most I've ever insulted her is saying she was paranoid about me cutting myself and such.

My best friend told me that I lost my smile.
I'm to.. Out of it to cheer my boyfriend up and make him happy.
I can barely be happy or smile anymore.
Can barely laugh.

I play the happy-happy big/lil sis. But for once I can't do my job. Sometimes even I need a little help.. Oh well. Life goes on.

I'll write about Heaven one day. But that's my personal dream world where everything works out. Where everyone's happy and fine.

I'll live. I'll survive on my own all over again.
I can beat this.
Just don't give into temptation.


Ugh.. My nightmares started again..