When I’m not with you, I feel so alone.
But if all I do is bother you, then I would rather be lonely..

This. is how I feel.
Don't say that it's over, I'd kill to be closer.

Life's been hell.
Happiest and worst days of my life so far.
Almost left my house.


One day.. I'll make you smile..

._. i.. just.. it hurts now. i cant say i love eric, when i do. but i love him like a brother. but shugo's jealous of that. so i cant say it to eric. and it hurts shugo to say i love him. so if i say it to no one, who do i hurt?

just me.

isn't it better like that?

why cant i do anything right?
i'm gunna jsut lose him again.
and then i'll just start dying all over again.
it's slow and painful
but if it makes him happy..
i'd do anything.


if i don't exist anymore, will i still hurt people?

I said something like... "Sorry for being me.."
And.
Yeah.
.Shugo//I've got a way to work this out sent 10/18/2008 6:31 PM:
That's no reason to be sorry. I like it when you're you. *frenches* what i don't like is when you're sad.


---

--.: Kazeru // Eric // Ore ha tsune ni Rei wo aisuru // It's not too late, it's never too late says (7:47 PM):
-Hides crotch from.- >>;
--.: Etincelle says (7:48 PM):
>> What did you do? Cut it off and put it in a box?
--.: Kazeru // Eric // Ore ha tsune ni Rei wo aisuru // It's not too late, it's never too late says (7:50 PM):
Turn my body away from joo >>

Win. 8D

---

[21:13] --.: Etincelle: Charmander's like you xD If he wont sleep with me, feels like you dun wanna either
[21:13] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: I do =P
[21:14] --.: Etincelle: Then talk some sense into him! D=
[21:14] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: *grabs charmander and strangles*
[21:14] --.: Etincelle: ;_; NO!
[21:14] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: fine fine >.>
[21:14] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: *lets go*
[21:15] --.: Etincelle: =takes him back and cuddles him.= ;o;
[21:15] --.: Etincelle: My poor baby.. ;-; I said TALK not hurt!
[21:16] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: >.>
[21:16] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: not my fault..
[21:16] --.: Etincelle: Now D<>
[21:16] --.: Etincelle: =sits him down beside joo.=
[21:17] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: >.>
[21:17] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: SLEEP WITH HER OR ELSE! *puts gun to charmanders head*
[21:18] --.: Etincelle: o.o
[21:18] --.: Etincelle: Charmander: 8D =blank stare.=
[21:18] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: >.>
[21:18] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: NOT TALKING EH?!
[21:18] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: *cocks gun and smooshes it into Charmander's head more* WELL I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH YOU
[21:19] --.: Etincelle: Charmander: 8D..
[21:19] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: ...
[21:19] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: BITCH! *pulls the trigger a few times... but forgot to load the gun*
[21:19] --.: Etincelle: Charmander: 8D
[21:19] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: >.>
[21:19] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: *punts*
[21:19] .Shugo//No...I AM GUNDAM!: I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU 8D NAO BITCH
[21:19] --.: Etincelle: T____T =catches him.=
[21:19] --.: Etincelle: Charmander: 8D

Lawl.
XD I finally got my weight.
Soo.
I used to be 115lbs.
Now I'm 94lbs. 8D
YAY ME.
Losing lotsa weight is funnn. 8D

[EDIT!
http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w193/RABIDMAGICPOOF/naruhina.jpg
Cutest NaruHina sktechart evar!! xDD]

--.: Etincelle says (7:11 PM):
When you fall into a bottomless pit, you die of starvation.
Kaboose<3// Anyone wanna possibly come swimming on friday? [in class shh] says (7:12 PM):
not unless you eat yourself :o
--.: Etincelle says (7:12 PM):
Then you'd bleed to death. Before you could complete the eating process.
Kaboose<3// Anyone wanna possibly come swimming on friday? [in class shh] says (7:13 PM):
not if i ate my blood and made it go back insideee |: or if i suck it out and spit it back into my veins
Kaboose<3// Anyone wanna possibly come swimming on friday? [in class shh] says (7:13 PM):
-lame-
--.: Etincelle says (7:13 PM):
C'EST IMPOSSIBLE.
Kaboose<3// Anyone wanna possibly come swimming on friday? [in class shh] says (7:13 PM):
NEVAR
--.: Etincelle says (7:13 PM):
YESAR
Kaboose<3// Anyone wanna possibly come swimming on friday? [in class shh] says (7:13 PM):
NOO
--.: Etincelle says (7:13 PM):
YESS
Kaboose<3// Anyone wanna possibly come swimming on friday? [in class shh] says (7:14 PM):
anything is possible if you put your mind to ittt


I WANNA WATCH VAMPIRE KNIGHT GUILTY EPPY ONE BUT I HAVE TO WAIT. T___T
BOOOO!

And I gotta do a shit load of homework this weekend. e_e Ewww.
Bee tee double you. ;D
IT'S TURKEY DAY WEEKEND TOMORROW 8D
Monday is Thanksgiving!

The world is colorless and lonely without you..

Just feel..
Frustrated, angry, upset, and empty.
Guess..
I'm trying to push people away..
So I don't hurt them and I'm alone..
So.. Be happy.. Especially you, Sheep-Sheep.

Louder, louder
The voices in my head
Whispers taunting
All the things you said
Faster the days go by and I'm still
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here
Time
In the blink of an eye
You held my hand, you held me tight
Now you're gone
And I'm still crying
Shocked, broken
I'm dying inside
Where are you?
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me
Shadows linger
Only to my eye
I see you, I feel you
Don't leave my side
It's not fair
Just when I found my world
They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart
I miss you, you hurt me
You left with a smile
Mistaken, your sadness
Was hiding inside
Now all that's left
Are the pieces to find
The mystery you kept
The soul behind a guise
Where are you
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me
Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind
I wish I couldn't feel at all
Let me be numb
I'm starting to fall
Where are you?
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me
Where are you?
Where are you?
You were smiling

You don't have to be alone.
Just call my name,
I'll stay by your side.

Y HALO THAR.
HOW R U?
I IZ GUD.
KTHX.
ILY.
8D

Um. o-o
Yeah.
Life is cool.
I'm pissed at a lot of people because they're pompous assholes. -_-
And I'm sick of listening to people bitch 24/7 and that's the only reason they talk to me.
Otherwise they ignore me.
Or act like I'm stupid.
And they're better than me.
-_-
You kinda people suck.

You're all I wanted
You're all I needed
And I won't forget the way you loved me
All that I wanted
All that I needed
On the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget
The way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you

BY THE WAY.
EVENTUALLY I WILL CHANGE THIS DAMN TEMPLATE.
To a more green one. 8D

My toes curled as I slowly slid through the darkened forest, not making a single sound as my feet padded along the ground. The wind whispered in my ears, telling me stories of the millions of years it traveled throughout the world, from culture to culture, learning new thing after new thing as it went on its mystical journey. And so I listened as I ran. And I ran and ran and ran.

I was running for my life. The clock was ticking. And time was running out. How bloody cliché.

I slipped. And I went tumbling down, my face smacking in a pile of mud-stained leaves, my knees slicing into rocks, and I winced at the pain, but knew I needed to proceed onwards. Slowly, I slammed my hands down onto the ground, forcing myself up, and sprinted forward, trying my hardest to ignore the searing pain in my joints. Adrenaline was running out for me.

My legs moved onwards automatically, my body becoming almost machine-like in my desperate run for salvation. And I breathed in gasping, and choking on oxygen as it entered my lungs, sucking in the gas too fast for my body to initiate its process of breathing. My heartbeat was racing faster than my feet hit the ground, and I stumbled on the slick foliage.

I heard a low monotonous cackling behind me, growing louder and louder with each step I took. I couldn’t tell which direction it was coming from, I was delusional in my panicked state as the voice seemed to be coming from every direction. Up, down, everywhere. It seeped into my bones, chilling me to the core, rattling my soul in despair.

I felt something tugging at my skin and clothing, slowing me down further in my frantic sprint. I didn't have the breath in me to shriek in fear. But my pace was deteriorating before my eyes.

The laughter grew louder and I was flung into a tree by the mysterious force, smashing my face into the wood, shattering my nose, and cracking my ribs. Blood gushed from my face, and slithered down my throat, and I choked on the liquid as it poured down my throat.

Suddenly, the air grew thicker, and I struggled to breathe even more to satisfy my racing heart. My eyes dimmed, and the world slowly turned to a dark shade of crimson. I blinked to try and refocus to see where it was, where the thing chasing me was. A shallow mist formed bit by bit, and I sat up slightly, looking around, and wrapping an arm around my aching chest.

I was lifted into the air, and turned around, my back being forced against the tree. Nails were driven into my arms, and I let out a piercing yelp as the pain shot through my whole body. The invisible force dug deep into my skin, and clawed chunks of flesh off, and tossed it to the ground without a care. My voice bellowed out with the pain over and over again, and even though my arms were attached to the great oak, I struggled with all my crumbling energy. But no matter how much I squirmed for freedom, I was glued to that damn tree.

The cackling never ceased, but only grew louder as my own voice did.

I looked down to my knees, and shrieked with fright. Something was slicing through my skin, and pierced through to the bone. My voice rose in octave as I bellowed out from the pain as I watched as my knee was sliced off and dropped to the ground with a thud. The slices grew higher and higher, growing closer and closer to my torso and abdomen.

”And now it’s time to cut off the fun parts.”

And in the end, I screamed and screamed and screamed.

You're not alone
There is more to this i know
You can make it up
You will live to tell.

I swear to fucking god there's something seriously wrong with me.
I mean. xD
I finally got what i wanted, but i'm not happy because I feel GUILTY for having what I always wanted to keep.
I feel bad for her.
She deserves happiness too.
So..
I keep contemplating on who's better for him.
I want him happy too.
Fuck my happiness.
Shit.
Not like I've done anything to deserve it.
I don't want to give him up, but I feel guilty for having him when someone else wants him.
This always happens.

Haha.
Crystal started harassing me as to who I was dating. xD
Literally.
And she was trying to grab me and kidnap me to force me to tell her.

I really do love him.
Which is why I want him happy.
With or without me in his life.

God I need someone's opinion on this.. x_x


You're better than drugs.

SO I WILL BITCH SOME MOAR.
8D 8D 8D

Maybe I am..
A bit jealous.
Just a bit.
But it's brushing by.

I mean..
I have him.
She doesn't.

But I can't help but feel a bit uneasy.
I mean.. Like..
She gets the privilige to actually..
Date him.
I don't.
She could..
Do all the couple stuff. xD
All that shiz I cant do.
Why?
Because I'm in a fuckin' other country.
Curse you distance. -_-

Like..
She can tell all her friends.
Well.. Not like I hide it..
I just dont go 'round being like "Zomgz!111oneone I haz a bf lololololo
-_-
Well..
Also my whole school thinks I'mma lesbian so that would be odd. >.>
So whatever. xD

Anywhoo.
AS I WAS BITCHING ABOUT EARLIER.
She could like.. D=
Hold hands.. And hug him..
And kiss him.. D=
And stuff..
And eat with him and all that cute and cheesey mushy stuff. D=

Which is why it's now my life mission to go down there for christmas. T.T;
VICTORY WILL BE MIIIIINE! DX
FOR SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
...
...
...
*shot.*

DX~!

I swear..
I have fucking issues here..

.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:14 PM):
so are we back together or are we still on a break =O?
--.: Etincelle says (4:14 PM):
Can we be back together, pretty please?
*He signs out.. >.> Stupid msn ruining the mood...*
--.: Etincelle says (4:17 PM):
welcome back
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:17 PM):
finally back
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:17 PM):
thanks
--.: Etincelle says (4:17 PM):
xD
--.: Etincelle says (4:17 PM):
Mhm
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:17 PM):
and yes. Yes we can *kisses you on the lips*
--.: Etincelle says (4:18 PM):
=kisses back.= And no more stupid breakups?
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:18 PM):
no more
--.: Etincelle says (4:18 PM):
So you're all mine from now on?
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:19 PM):
well.. i still gotta go friday
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:19 PM):
but i won't kiss her or anything
--.: Etincelle says (4:19 PM):
I'll allow it if you're my boyfriend again =P
--.: Etincelle says (4:19 PM):
Now, not later.
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:20 PM):
alright
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:20 PM):
I'm your boyfriend *kisses you on the lips*
--.: Etincelle says (4:20 PM):
=kisses back.= Good. So you only lasted less than three days =P
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:21 PM):
yah yah =P *kisses you on the neck*
--.: Etincelle says (4:21 PM):
Still awkward to be with me?
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:23 PM):
nah
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:23 PM):
we kiss a lot
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:23 PM):
even when we're not going out
--.: Etincelle says (4:24 PM):
Hard to resist
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:24 PM):
yah
--.: Etincelle says (4:24 PM):
Not like you tried to stop me xD
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:24 PM):
well
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (4:24 PM):
i was the one that did most of the kisses
--.: Etincelle says (4:25 PM):
Trueeee.

So life's back to normal. =P
Much better.
Now i wont freaking die from lack of nutrition xDD
And I'm happy again<3

He's dating her NEXT Friday.
Dumping her NEXT Saturday.
So i still gotta wait ._.
I don't feel bad for her.
She's the one who knew he just broke up with his girlfriend of two years.
No guy or girl could do that.
That's called rebounding.
He's mine .___.
Gtfoho.

At least he's having a miserable time.
Songs that remind him of me keep coming on xD
Lose Urself - Family Force 5
Good!
Wait. o///o That means stuff reminds him of me~.
x3

Kay so.
...
I forgot what I was gunna say.
Hm.

Listeing to Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars"
I lsitened to it when I was trying to get over my ex girlfriend.
Irony is that..
He loves this song. I do too.
And now I'm listening to it again, when I'm... Single..

I REMEMBER~!
I've lost weight. o_o
Within less than a week, I've lost 5lbs.
I can't eat or sleep.
See what breakups do to me?! xD
BREAK UPS: THE BEST WEIGHT LOSS FORMULA!

I almost fainted in school.
A few times.
I also broke down crying in class again today.. x-x

o_o; He asked to kiss me...
sdjkfhgdfjkglbdfth ;kltdhjbtk hhjtrnhrlk;
Dx!
I don't care if it's cheating..? D: =bad person.=
Well to be honest..
He asked to french me. xD

Anywhoo. @_@
I'll be giving an update all night.
So check back for that damn EDIT part. XD

I seriously have problems.. >_>;

EDIT:

.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (7:27 PM):
-hugs back- you're all i think of at school
--.: Etincelle says (7:27 PM):
How come?
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (7:29 PM):
Just all i ever care about

EDIT AGAIN:
We're trying to work it out.

.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (11:52 PM):
I'll just tell her i'm not over you which isn't a lie and that i don't wanna replace you with her
--.: Etincelle says (11:54 PM):
Most guys can't break up with their girlfriends and be over them in less than a week. =squeezes your hand gently.= Do.. Do you really not wanna replace me?
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (12:02 AM):
Why would i want to?
--.: Etincelle says (12:03 AM):
Because you have a chance for something real, silly..
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (12:06 AM):
No
--.: Etincelle says (12:06 AM):
Huh? o.o
--.: Etincelle says (12:09 AM):
What do you mean "no"?
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (12:12 AM):
No replace kami
--.: Etincelle says (12:12 AM):
Why not?
.Shugo//You're here and I'm a mess says (12:13 AM):
Cause i said so


Apparently.
He cant resist temptation. =P
He said he loved me today.
He asked if he could.
Feels nice.. <3

--.: Etincelle says (2:12 AM):
Niiiiight~ <33 =snuggles up closer.=
.Shugo//Take me Break me says (2:13 AM):
Night <333>

I woke up. o_o
Feeling kinda okay.

He regrets it already. >.>
Good!
But she already accepted -_-
So he has to choose which girl he wants.
Not gunna write much.
I will later tonight. >.>

Thanks for reading, sweetie. =D <3

So what do you do.
When the thing you lived for..
Is taken away?
You have nothing to live for.
Bleh -.-
This is so stupid.
TT_________TT;


Apparently he wants me back.
Apparently he can hardly resist the temptation.
But yet he still needs two weeks.
Why?

Two weeks is enough time to lose all hope and start trying to move on...

He wont talk to me, go fucking figure.
But..
He calls me Sigyn. And he's Loki.
Sigyn is Loki's wife that even after h betrayed her, and had bastard children with another woman, she held a bowl over his head to save him from having snake venom pour on his face.
Loki is the god of mischief.
So does this mean he'll cheat on me?
And fuck another girl?
Would explain why he bought a condom.
I'm slowly getting angry.
You don't fucking replace your girlfriend with someone so much like her.
You don't replace her just because you're bored of her.

AND I HAVE TO FUCKING COME ONLINE AND WAIT FOR HIM WHILE HE TALKS TO THAT FUCKING LITTLE BITCH.
Yeah.
I can get angry.
Just..
Not when he's round.
So go ahead.
Sleep with her.
Maybe if you're fucking lucky I'll wanna speak to your face.
Even kiss her.
Fucking betray me more, and I won't have a life with you.
And I'll fucking get into all that shit no one wants me to.
I'll be the "bad girlfriend".

Shit.
I could do so much better than this fucking abuse.

You don't make love to your girlfriend when you don't love her.
That's just low, even for you.


I'm just the girl next door.

Today sucked.
I almost broke down.
The end.

So.
Last night we took a temporary break.
For two weeks.
And.. I already cant handle it.
I want him..
But he likes someone else now..
So he's going out on a date with her. ;-;
And I'm just.. Gunna be alone..
And it hurts..
I cant eat or sleep.
My heart wont stop fucking hurting..
I just.. Wanna be good enough for him...

--

So it's day one. I'm giving a day by day update. Why? Iuno..
Couldn't sleep last night. Woke up every hour or so and felt completely and utterly alone.
I have to be his best friend again..
So it's morning now. Talking to him.
I'm a fucking masochist.
He said.. maybe we'll shorten it.
He wants me there every day.
And it hurts.
More than anything else.. ;-;
I dont know if I can take this..
What if he likes his date with her?
What if he doesn't want me?

She's fucking.. So much like me..
Just real.
Just.. More out-going.
She's not shy..

After two years.. I wasn't good enough? x_x

If you read this, no telling anyone.. ._. But well, me.
Don't tell him..
Just let him be happy..

But I haveta let you go.
I cant let you go, boy.

..Bleh.
I keep trying to be happy.
And failing.
All I do is try to make him happy.
But does it work?
Rarely.
And so my happiness was lost.
And my heart started to feel less ad less.
It's freezing all over again..
Will this fall apart..?
Will I lose you..?

When I'm with you, everything seems better
We were meant to be together
I'm in pain when you're away
Come on and save me I'm loosing my touch
Day after day cause I miss you so much
Come on and save me I'm loosing my mind
Waiting and waiting for you to be mine

I'm sick. x.x
Again.
It sucks.
And I cant eat anything without feeling sicker.
For the past week Dx

A lot of people don't exactly.. Know a lot about me.
Then again I don't really tell anyone.
My life contrasts in many ways.
One second is Heaven, the other is the equivalent of Hell.
You know something's wrong when you gotta fake yourself with your boyfriend.
Well anyways, let's get on with the story.

Last night I was told by my darling mother that once I turn eighteen and graduate from high school, I am no longer welcome under her roof. So I am being kicked out of my own house once I graduate. This is.. Lovely.

Secondly, my mother seems to believe if I were to have a spare period during school hours, I would not like I had planned, sit in the library and get a jump start on homework, but become a hooker, druggie, drug-dealer, steal from stores, cut myself, become an alcoholic, pop pills, and drink+pop pills to try and commit suicide.
What a darling way for a parent to think of their child and tell them.

She also proceeds to tell me that I'm pretty much a failure, and tells her friends I'm the problem child. Also that I am "verbally abusive" to her, whilst the most I've ever insulted her is saying she was paranoid about me cutting myself and such.

My best friend told me that I lost my smile.
I'm to.. Out of it to cheer my boyfriend up and make him happy.
I can barely be happy or smile anymore.
Can barely laugh.

I play the happy-happy big/lil sis. But for once I can't do my job. Sometimes even I need a little help.. Oh well. Life goes on.

I'll write about Heaven one day. But that's my personal dream world where everything works out. Where everyone's happy and fine.

I'll live. I'll survive on my own all over again.
I can beat this.
Just don't give into temptation.


Ugh.. My nightmares started again..

Done cos I mis my damn brother. XD So I stole this from him, and the title. Huzzah!

How did you meet the last person you kissed?
Uhh.. Hm. 552. Chatroom in there. Nena-Nena dragged me in there to keep her company, and the rest is history. xD

How late did you stay up last night?
Maybe 1AMish? Was beating the Pokemon League on Pearl. >.>

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a s?
Nope. o.o Unless you count guinea pigs..

Have you ever dated someone taller than you??
Try like.. Everyone! >.> Everyone's taller than me! T-T;;

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Joanna. o.o

Do you hate anyone?
Nahh, too lazy to hate.

Do you miss anyone?
Shugo and Eric. o.o

What does your crush do to make you mad?
Kinda. xD Makes me frustrated. Like when he's a perv, or tries to make me jealous, or messes with people, or just tries to piss me off.

Who is making you feel the way you do right now?
The way I feel? >.> I'm sleepy. So I guess.. me?

What are you excited about?
Uhm. Either seeing Shu, beating more of Pokemon Pearl, or going to sleep. >.>

Plans for tonight?
Sleep plzes.

Do your boyfriend/girlfriends ex’s like you?
No. XD They hate my guts.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Prolly just talking to Shugo, playing Pokemon, and playing on the compie. >.> Maybe watch anime, and download Lunia too..

Have you ever been used?
Plenty of times. o.o


Do you like to be in a relationship?
Yeah. xD Feels really nice. Though kinda sucks that I cant flirt no more, but oh well. >.>

What are your plans for the next weekend?
Since I'm with my mom.. -.- Prolly do a lot of work, get yelled at, and play DS games and be bored and miserable.

What is bothering you?
My sleepyness and lack'o'Shu.

Did you ever lose someone you loved?
Iuno. Dunno if I really loved her or not. Know I disliked her a suuuuuuuper bunch.

What are you doing right now?
This survey an listening to "Me and the Moon".

Why do people like you?
'Cos I'm freaking Kami, man. XD That's all there is to it.

Are you in a relationship of some kind?
Yeah. ^^ Been in one for ages.

Do you like anyone?
Like on an extremely LARGE scale. >.> So kinda love I guess... =stabs mushyness.= T~T

Are you scared your going to get your heart broken?
Of course. Every single day I wake up and wonder if I'll lose the things I care about.

What's hurting you right now?
My sleepyness. >.> Eyes hurtttt.

Are you sleepy?
YES I AM. ToT

Can you do the splits?
Naw. D= Not that flexible in my legs, just my arms.

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
My mom. =D And distance. And the cost of flying to another country to live there. o_o And school.

Do you let people treat you badly?
Yeah. o-o So?

What color is your hair?
Brown right nao. >.> Kinda golden-orange sometimes in the sun.

When was the last time you talked to the person you like?
Last night. ._.

Is there someone that you can’t stop thinking about?
Yush! o.o

Do you have any tattoo/piercings?
Yeah. o.o Ears are pierced twice.

Do you know anyone that treats there gf/bf poorly?
Mm... Me I guess.

Do you wanna be in a relationship?
o.o I'm in one..

Would you kiss someone other than the last person you kissed right now?
Ew no.

How has the week been?
Pretty shitty.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yeah. People screw up. Give them another chance..

Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Uhhh... Since I cant remember from my phone, we'll go with msn messages, which would be Ani, who spammed offline messages to me. XD

Have you made someone mad today?
Prolly my mom cos I'm uber clumsy today. >->

Does someone hate you?
Yeah. =D Lotsa people!

When someone tells you a lie, do you call them out on it?
Not usually, unless they're being a 'tard.

Do you like when boys are assholes?
Nuh. T-T

Do you like it when girls are bitches?
Ew no. >.>

Can you last in a relationship more than a year?
Yeah. =P Almost on my second year.

So.
I'm happy.
And I'm in love.
Life is fucking shit.
But I'm so happy.
And I'm crazy about him. <3
And it feels nice to love and be loved.

Oh my god his happiness is contagious.~* <333
Sometimes I just feel high from it all~. xD <3
=giggles and prances back to him.=

One more month and it'll be two years, kids~!

Deleted for awhile.

--.: Etincelle says (12:13 PM):
So then how can you tell that you love me, if you cant tell happiness?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:13 PM):
Cause love and happiness are different >>
--.: Etincelle says (12:14 PM):
Happiness comes from loev and vice versa
--.: Etincelle says (12:14 PM):
So how can you love me?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:15 PM):
Well when you put it that way, dunno.
--.: Etincelle says (12:15 PM):
So.. You don't love me then..?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:16 PM):
According to your reasoning
--.: Etincelle says (12:17 PM):
Really?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:18 PM):
You're the one that said it not me.
--.: Etincelle says (12:18 PM):
You don't love me?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:19 PM):
You already know what I'm gunna say and you're probably just not gunna believe it again.
--.: Etincelle says (12:20 PM):
I dont know what'll you'll say.
--.: Etincelle says (12:21 PM):
Does your heart say you love me, or does it not care?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:22 PM):
It does
--.: Etincelle says (12:22 PM):
Does what..?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:22 PM):
It does care for you
--.: Etincelle says (12:23 PM):
Does it love me, or no?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:23 PM):
It does
--.: Etincelle says (12:23 PM):
Truly?
.Shugo//Gunna fight till I drop says (12:24 PM):
yah


;-; dfzgjkdfg radg;gdkjgh;dakfh rg hsdgkjjkdfgkdfjghdfgi i dunno what to believe ;-;...

Know all about
About your reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
every time that i'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much

Loving you isn't really something I should do
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong

It Might be a mistake
A mistake I'm making
But what you're giving I am happy to be taking
Cause no one's ever made me feel
The way I feel when i'm in your arms
They say you're something I should do without
They don't know what goes on
When the lights go out
There's no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain

Loving you isn't really something I should do yeah hey.
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong

I should try to run
But I just can't seem to
Cause every time I run you're the one I run to
Can't do without, what you do to me
I don't care if I'm in too deep yeah hey

Know all about
About your reputation
And now its' bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
Every time that I'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much Hey

Loving you isn't really something I should do, not something i shouldn't do
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah
Well I should try to be strong, I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong, right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong, baby you're the right kind of wrong, yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong.

i'm fucking hopeless..
everything just.. gets worse...
and worse
and worse
and worse..
;-;

Listening to: Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit.

EDITED COS I SAY SO.

It's harder than you think.
It's really hard to stay away.
It's torture to stay away, and watch someone else..
Just go in and replace me.
But.. Shit happens.
And people move on.
If you really don't need me anymore..
I guess there's no point of me being here, huh?
'Cos no one needs me anymore.

I..
Was gunna give up.
And apologize until my heart bled.
But..
You left..
So..
I guess I'll have to wait..
Because you're not the only one who got hurt...

If she can make you happy, why do you need me?
Thing is..
You don't.

Okay so.
o_o My dream was really weird.
So now you can read about it. xD

So I was in Aerith's body from FF, and Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru from Fruits Basket were there along with Ted from Scrubs. o_o; And a few other people that I didn't recognize.

So we went to live in this huge mansion, and all seemed well. But nothing is great in my dreams anymore. @@;

So. Shugo was Kyo, and Valo was Yuki.. xD And they were fighting over me instead of Tohru, which was really weird. And Tohru was just being a ditz the whole time, and kinda set the kitchen on fire.

S'yeah. One of the hostesses took Ted up into the room. She was blonde and dressed in a maid's uniform. o.o And I swear I saw part of a body under the couch they sat on. And of course, it all got worse from there. Last I saw of Ted was her leaning in to kiss him on the neck, and SCENE SWITCH.

This is when the brunette maid was cooking in the kitchen, and Tohru scared the crap outta her by sneaking up on her, and the maid threw the pot of boiling water everywhere, and melted Tohru. o_o Like. Tohru freaking DIED.

But no one seemed to notice. xD Yuki and Kyo kept fighting and beating each other up. but then we were all getting scared cos Tohru and Ted disappeared. So we went next door to this huge department-store looking house where my mom's friend Maria lived. o_o Ch'yeah. It was like, Yuki and Kyo and some other person.

So we stayed there and explained to Maria what was going on. oo; We stayed the night, but I woke up and I was back at the mansion. And I was all alone. D: I was on the cold floor in like, Aerith's pink dress, and a gold bangle on my upper left arm.

So then i got up, and I was in some kind of balcony thingie where there were different levels, and some were just.. Floating. o_o But I could tell that I was still at the mansion.

And then, all these ninjas came out in clothes that looked like they were from Samurai/Dynasty Warriors. o-o; And they were poison ninjas, and their leader had these long metal claws like Wolverine. And she's all like; "You can't escape! We're already got all of your friends, you're the only one left. No one is going to save you."

And I was all "No! We trusted you! You couldn't have hurt anyone!" So the leader with the cat-claw things came at me, and her fighting was like.. Majestic dancing. if I wasn't trying to save my own life, it would be beautiful. XD

So eventually I got the chance to run away, which meant jumping off the platform, which somehow landed me on the roof. And when I was up there, I saw a body. It was the brunette maid. o_o

She was barely alive, and whispered something like "Go get help, I'll be fine.."

So I ran off again, and the last scene shows me in front of the screen, in front of the house. xD Running away. Frozen, with a huge "TO BE CONTINUED..." XD


SO YEAH. That's all I can remember. o-o Enjoy..

And you know.
You can break me down.
You can rip out my heart.
You can tear me apart.
You can swear you never ever loved me.

But I will still always love you.

Even if my heart shatters into a million little pieces.
I'll cut my fingers picking them up.
Just for one more moment with you.

Moocat says (7:28 AM):
Dump him, love.
Moocat says (7:28 AM):
Really, just for your sake.
Moocat says (7:28 AM):
I don't want you hurting.

Easier said than done.


When you spend so much time with someone..
You start to realize..
Everything reminds you of them.
And the hurt doesn't stop.
And the heart always hurts.
And you feel empty inside.

And after awhile..
You can't take it anymore.

I. I cant fucking take it anymore.
It hurts.
Why does it have to hurt so bad..
I'm sick of the hurt..
Why. Why. WHY.

HOLY FUCKING HELL ON A SHITFACED DASHBOARD.
I'M SO FUCKING STUPID.
SO FUCKING DUMB.SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.
SHIT.


SOMEONE FUCKING BASH MY SKULL IN RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Soooo...
Yeah.
Last week sucked.

Got felt up by my best friend. x_x Gabe kinda.. Had a lot of fun there. And ended up kissing my neck a lot. But I was really upset and numb so I didn't even bother to respond to anything and just let him do what he wanted. After all. He goes through taking care of my sorry butt.. Maybe he should get what he wants every once and awhile...

So I told Jade about it all. My little mafia princess. <3>.>

I keep.. having those things happen to me. And I found out the reason behind it all. and I found my saint who makes me smile and calm down enough. <3>
A]-AGE?
Now.. Seventeen.

B] - Birthday?
June 12th.

C] - Cell phone?
It my room somewhere, been disconnected for ages.

D]-Drink you had last?
Uh... Yesterday.. Gingerale.

E] - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO?
Hm. Eric prolly.

F] - FAVORITE COLORS?
Greeeeeeeeeeeen.

G] - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS
Worms. The bears give me headaches. xD

H] HOMETOWN?
Toronto. o-o

I] FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Chocolate fudge. WAIT. WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!

J] Just something you always say on IM?
"xD", "o.o", or ">>".

K] Killed someone?
I keeled yur fathurrrrrr. Mwahahahahaahaaaaa.

L] - Limeaid or lemonade?
Wtf is LIMEAID? o_o

M] Money or Love?
I thought that said "monkey or love"! XD But yeah. Love I guess.

N] Number of Siblings?
IRL? Four. Two blood brothers, two step-brothers. Online? So much more.

O] - ONE WISH?
For everyone to be happy. :3

P] Person you last commented?
Uh... Alana.. I think?

Q] -Quiet?
Yep.

R] - Reason you smile??
Friends. And the Sheep Squad. <3

S] - SONG YOU LAST HEARD?
First Time - Lifehouse. NaruHina AMVs ftw...

T] -Time you woke up today?
Uh.. Iuno. >> I was too sleepy to look atthe clock. But when I did, it was 5:06AM. =D

U] - You like someone right now?
Yep.

V] - VEGETABLES?
Yum. :3

W] - WORST Habit?
Play with my fingers, or bite my lips when I get nervous. OH. And blushing. >_>

X] - X-RAYS?
Iuno? I'm so accident prone that my fmaily doesn't really bother with that stuff no more..

Y] - YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
Ice creammmm.

Z] - WHY ARE YOU SO SEXY?
I'M SORRY. I BLAME TEH SEXY ON GENETICS.

Stole off Eric. >.> Will update next time I'm on a compie.

You must answer every question TRUTHFULLY or else you wont have LOVE for 5 years.

[1] Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to?
Yeah, a lot.
[2] Have you ever been given roses?
Mm... Yeah. Once I think.
[3] What is your all time favorite romance movie?
Can't think of any right now. But Romeo and Juliet holds a significant meaning to me.
[4] How many times have you really fallen in love?
Once or twice. But this time was much, much more deep.
[5] Who was it?
Traume, and Shugo. Shugo being the greater of the two.
[6] Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
Yeah..
[7] Whats your current problem?
That my mother hates my guts, my boyfriend and I barely communicate, and I may flunk an exam that I need to pass. :]
[8] Hookups or relationships?
Relationships.
[9] Had a Long Distance Relationship?
In one currently.
[10] Do you believe in the saying ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER?
Yep. But maybe people can change?
[11] Do you want to get married?
The wedding kinda got called off. =/
[12] How many kids do you want to have?
One. A boy.
[13] Whats your favorite color(s)?
Green. Sea green i think it's called. But color code 009966. xD;
[14] One night stands?
Nah. Talk about getting STDs.
[15] Would you kiss the last person you kissed?
Totally.
[16] At what age did you start noticing the opposite gender?
Lawl. Not that long ago. Everyone thought I was a lesbian. XD
[17] Do you still like your ex?
Not really. She fucked up my life.
[18] Do you know someone who likes you?
Yeah. A lot of people do. xD
[19] Do you like anyone?
Love. Not like. <3
[20] Do they know you love them?
Yeah. i've said it for ages.
[21] Would you kiss someone on your top friends?
Yeah, prolly. o-o

Lmao.

Today was SO fucked up. XD

I spent most of the damn day running around with a bad fucking hip. Shit man. Bad fucking idea. Poor widdle Gabi gave me lunch money, money to see his drama performance, and tickets to get everywhere. <3>.> Yep.
Shit. Then came Lillian and Nurse Wilson (Who's a guy xD). And Wilson is a humanitarian who hates everyone. And Lillian is a deaf lady who tells the man to fly away like her parrot?

Iuno. But it was awesome xD OH YEAH. Crys showed up in a dress. ;w; My god she was gorgeous!

Anyways, I stalked Gabe home cos I was bored. xD And didn't wanna go home. But this damn inchworm was on the subway, so I put him on my notebook and kept him.

Gabe and I talked for awhile. Ended up.. Getting to Shugo. I can't say what about 'cos I dunno who's reading this. But if you ask, I might tell ya'. Anyways. I ended up crying. Right there and in front of him. I dunno why.. But being with him is really comforting. But he's the first person to see me cry. x_x; Then again, I am a crybaby. Still. he was being really sweet, and kissed my fingers and comforted me.

We talked for like. Two hours. At the damn bus station. xD Then he took me home! Wtf. I went to his subways station and he went all the way back to mine >.>; He said it was cos he didn't want anyone hurting me cos it was 10:30ish at night and all the weirdos were talking to me today. So we rode back with Stripes the inchworm, and were flirting the whole way back. xD It was funny. 'Cos we always have heavily smex-related flirting jsut to make eachother blush. And he's the millionth person to say I'm really cute when I blush.. >.> Grr.

Anyways. I came home. Shit repaired. Yay. Now I talk to Eric.
Cos I love him. <333333>.>
And I said I'd join him soon.. He went to bed at 11:30... XD Oops?
Sleep. LATAH. D<

Ugh.. x_x
So.
A few days ago I twisted my fucking hip.
So it hurts to walk.
Yay updates.

I lost my photography ISU. Then my teacher found it. So I may not fail the class. Yay.

Dear god I'm exhausted. x_x I've been standing for ages with a bad hip, and it zapped all my energy to fight the pain.

But..

Seven more days until my birthday.
School ends the 19th.
Exams exams exams.


Now I go temp die, kthxbai.


. . . . .
I was gunna write something else but I forgot...

VIRGIN QUIZ.

Start at 100% and remove 1% for each X. Here goes...

1.Smoked.[]
2.Drank alcohol.[X]
3.Cried when someone died.[X]
4.Been drunk.[X]
5.Had sex.[] (Not answering that..~ XD;)
6.Been to a concert.[]
7.Given a handjob/gotten a handjob.[]
8.Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.[] (Heh heh..~)
9.Been verbally/sexually harassed.[X]
10.Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.[X] (It was funny! >.>)
11.Felt someone up and/or been felt up.[X] (Both? Crystal and I do that all the time.)
12.Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.[X]
13.Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.[X] (She was a bitch anyways! 3=<)
14.Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.[X]
15.Been to prom.[ ]
16.Cried at school.[X]
17.Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.[X]
18.Went streaking.[]
19.Given or receieved a lap dance.[]
20.Had of someone the opposite sex in your room.[X]
21.Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.[X]
22.Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.[]
23.Kissed a stranger.[X]
24.Hugged a stranger.[X]
25.Went scuba diving.[]
26.Driven a car.[]
27.Gotten an xray.[X]
28.Hit by a car.[X]
29.Had a party.[X]
30.Done drugs.[]
31.Played strip poker.[X]
32.Got paid to strip for someone.[]
33.Ran away from home.[X]
34.Broken a bone.[]
35.Eaten sushi.[X]
36.Bought porn.[]
37.Watched porn.[X] (Friend dared me. -.-)
38.Made porn.[]
39.Had a crush on someone of the same sex.[X]
40.Been in love.[X]
41.Frenched kissed.[X]
42.Laughed so hard you cried.[X]
43.Cried yourself to sleep.[X]
44.Laughed yourself to sleep.[]
45.Stabbed yourself.[X]
46.Shot a gun.[]
47.Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.[X]
48.Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.[X]
49.Been online for 9 consecutive hours.[X]
50.Watched an animal die.[X]
51.Watched a person die.[X]
52.Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.[X]
53.Pranked somebody.[X]
54.Put somebody in the hospital.[]
55.Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.[X]
56.Kissed somebody of the same sex.[]
57.Dressed punk.[X]
58.Dressed goth.[X]
59.Dressed preppy.[X]
60.Been to a motocross race.[X]
61.Avoided somebody.[X]
62.Been stalked.[X]
63.Stalked someone.[X]
64.Met a celebrity.[X]
65.Played an instrument.[X]
66.Ridden a horse.[]
67.Cut yourself.[X]
68.Bungee jumped.[]
69.Ding dong ditched somebody.[] (Wtf does that mean? xD)
70.Been to a wild party.[]
71.Got caught stealing something.[X]
72.Kicked a guy in the balls.[X]
73.Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.[]
74.Went out with your friend's crush.[]
75.Got arrested.[]
76.Been pregnant.[]
77.Babysat.[X]
78.Been to another country.[]
79.Started your house on fire.[X] (I was cooking eggs. My mortal enemy. D<)
80.Had an encounter with a ghost.[X]
81.Donated your hair to cancer patients.[]
82.Been asked out by someone that you never though you'd to be asked out by.[X]
83.Cried over a member of the opposite sex.[X]
84.Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.[X] (Almost two years, baby~.)
85.Sat on your ass all day.[X]
86.Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.[X]
87.Had a job.[X]
88.Gotten cut from a sports team.[X]
89.Been called a whore.[X]
90.Danced like a whore.[X]
91.Been mistaken for a celebrity.[]
92.Been in a car accident.[]
93.Been told you have beautiful eyes.[X]
94.Been told you have beautiful hair.[X]
95.Raped somebody.[]
96.Danced in the rain.[X]
97.Been rejected.[] (It's a record. >.> Everyone loves t3h Kamikins..)
98.Walked out of a restaurant without paying.[]
99.Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.[X]
100.Been raped.[]

54% virgin. XD Give or take a few. ^_~ 'Cos I ain't letting anyone know those little secrets~~.


A
[ ] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness.
[X]Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
[ ] Agliophobia - Fear of pain.
[ ] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
[X] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects.
[ ] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
[X] Androphobia - Fear of men.
[ ] Anginophobia - Fear of angina or choking.
[ ] Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers.
[X] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society.
[X] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched.
[X] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders.
[ ] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers.
[X] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightening. (Fear numbero uno.)
[ ] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness.
[X] Atelophobia - fear of imperfection.
[X] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
[X] Autophobia - Fear of being alone.
Total: 10.. o_o;

B
[ ] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria.
[ ] Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
[ ] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
[ ] Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians.
[ ] Belonephobia - Fear of pins and needles.
[ ] Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
[ ] Botanophobia - Fear of plants.
Total so far: 10.

C
[X] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
[X] Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed.
[ ] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors.
[ ] Chionophobia - Fear of snow.
[ ] Chromophobia - Fear of colors.
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.
[ ] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.
[ ] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns.
[ ] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
[ ] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs.
Total so far: 12. >.<>[Siblings] -Two brothers. Two step-brothers. Based on IRL. >_> Online, a lot more.
[pets] -Four guinea pigs, two cats, two snakes, fish, and four frogs.

FAVORITES
[Color] - Green.
[Number] - 12.
[Animal] - Dunno. Not panda actually.

[Book] - Twilight series. <3>.>
[Currently playing] - Comatose by Skillet.
[Last movie you saw] - Full movie? xD Who knows. O just saw a clip of Bratz this morning. Ew.
[last thing you ate] - Toast with jam.
[Believe there is life on other planets?] - I hope so. D:
[Hate yourself?] - Sometimes. o.o
[Collect anything?] -Pandas, stuffed animals, weird stuff, wax, green things, tigereyes, and Iuno what else. xD
[Like your handwriting?] - Yeah. xD It's small and pisses everyone off.

LOVE...
[First crush] - I think it was Barbie, actually.. XD
[you believe in love at first sight?] - M'yeah.
[you believe in "the one?"] - Guess so. D: Hope I found that.

ARE YOU
[A Daydreamer] - When am I not daydreaming? xD
[Sarcastic] - Quite a lot.
[shy] - Pretty much always. o.o;
[Talkative] - Mmm.. To friends I guess.

WOULD YOU RATHER...
[Pierce your nose or lip?] - Lip.
[Be serious or funny?] - Serious. Cos life is serious business. D<>.>
[Missed someone] - Still do?
[Gotten drunk] - Been sober for a year. =D
[Gotten high] - Never tried.
[Danced crazy] - Nah.
[Gotten your hair cut] - hell no. my hair is t3h smex. D< [Watched cartoons] - Last night xD [Lied to someone] - Nope. o-o IN THE LAST 48 HOURS WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT... [Slept in your bed] - Me? Maybe the cat.. [Saw you cry] - No one, silly! =D [Made you cry] - My mom. [Saw a movie with you] - Usually watch them alone. D: HAVE YOU EVER... [Been to California] - Nah. [Been to Europe] - Never left the country. DDD: [Wished you were the opposite sex] - Yeah. A lot of times. HONESTLY... 1. [Honestly, what color is your underwear?] - Blood-red silk? 2. [Honestly, whats on your mind right now?] - Shugo. Love-sick kitten I am. 3. [Honestly, what are you doing right now?] - Writing this, thinking, and listening to music? 4. [Honestly, do you think you are attractive?] - Nah, been told I'm not so many times. XD 5. [Honestly, have you done something bad today?] - If going back to sleep for forty minutes when I'm not allowed to counts, then yes. >.>
6. [Honestly, do you watch disney channel?] - Yeah. xD;
7. [Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?] - Yeah. >.>
8. [Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?] - Well, him for one. And my friends of course! xD
9. [Honestly, do you bite your nails?] - Yeah. Kinda stopped lately though.
10.[Honestly, what is your mood right now?] - Tired and miserable.
11. [Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?] - Shugo, Valo, and Chrynos.
12. [Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?] - Yeah.
13. [Honestly, do you hate someone right now?] - I've never hated anyone before?
14. [Honestly, are you in denial?] - Yeah, about something. o.o
15.[Honestly, do you like someone?] - Hell yes. It should be obvious! o_o
16.[Honestly, does anyone like you?] - I'd like to think so.

EVERYONE'S CONFESSIONS
[X] I still watch cartoons on Saturdays.
[ ] I eat Froot Loops.
[ ] I go trick or treating.
[ ] I've taken a bubble bath in the last month.
[X] I have water balloon fights with my friends
[X] I still believe in Santa
[ ] Mommy's still the coolest person ever
[ ] I sleep till noon.
[ ] I still pass out little Valentines day cards on Valentines Day.
[ ] The boy/girl that sits next to me is cute.
[X] I still drink apple juice.
[X] There are monsters in my closet.
[ ] I can't sleep with the lights off
[X] I can't sleep with the lights on
[X] I still like piggy back rides.
[X] Boys/girls still make me giggle.
[ ] Boys/girls still have cooties


A - AVAILABLE : Nope. :3
B - BEST FRIENDS : Shu, Valo, Gabi, Robin, Crys.
C- Cute: Who, me? D: No.
D - DADS NAME : Kenneth.
E - LAST PERSON OF OPPOSITE SEX YOU TALKED TO : ..Uh. my brother? >.>
F - FAVORITE BAND/ARTIST : Always changing.
G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS : Worms. Bears make me sick. xD
H - HOMETOWN : Toronto Ontario.
I - INSTRUMENT : Too many to name.
K - KIDS : None yet, unless you count Nick and Megumi? o_O But I actually wouldn't mind having one.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: 3+ hours.
M - MILK FLAVOR : Chocolate~.
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 4.
O - ONE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: I have really pretty and unique eyes. <3>Natasha Bedingfield.
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP : 5:30AM?
U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: I think that it only rains when I'm sad and want to cry.
W - WORST HABITS: Play with my fingers.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: When i was little and got my fingers sliced to the bone?
Z - ZODIAC SIGN : Gemini. Multiple-personality disorder ftw.

****Everyone has their firsts...****
First real best friend: Cleo. -_- Big mistake.
First Cellphone: Uh. Last year?
First pet: Nightmare, cat.
First piercing/tattoo: Ear, a few days after I was born.
First flight: Never flown.
First Celebrity Love: Dunno.
First job: Watered someone's flowers.. xD

****Everyone has their lasts...****
Last person you hugged: Gabe.
Last time you cried: Last night.
Last movie you watched: Bratz. It was a two minute clip! >_> And no one should watch that crap,
Last shirt worn: Gray with Grumpy from Snow White and "I got my own attitude, I don't need yours!" on it. And gray tank top. xD
Last phone call: Mom. Few days ago.
Last thing you touched: Mouse. And my leg/shorts. o_O
Last time at the mall: Aggggges ago.
Last time you were excited about something: Yesterday and got let down again. ._.
Last person you saw: My brother who's beside me?
Last thing you drank: H2O.
Last time you have been truly happy: Few days ago?


OKAY I'M DONE. @_@

ONTO UPDATE!

Nothing really new. Just been an emo fuck. And we built a new cage for the piggies. ~_~ Still not done. We got a new guinea pig, Owen. Hes a himi pig. Similar to Siamese cat coloring.

Anyways. o_o Koko-bro is nagging me to work on my bio for Salvation City.

SECRET HINT: EVENT COMING UP SOON~~~.

Why mooses and gooses?
My name on Salvation City. Alternate account. xD

Forgot to mention.. That my dad now has diabetes. Mom's been slowly dying from it for years. Grandmother, and great-grandmother had it too. So I have to be checked out soon.. Cos.. I already have symptoms. Symptoms of a bad case of diabetes. But I haven't seen a Doc' for three years. Sooo... Oh well~.

Too lazy to talk about Salvation City. Been working on mah bio. -_- So damn long. Over nine pages..

Gotta a chance to talk to him. Y'know.. Really talk. Like.. Fifteen minutes.. But it was nice.. <3 I wish he'd come back to me though...

Oh yeah. <3 style="font-style: italic;">"I think I lost your love" in my personal text on MSN?
His response was.. "*pulls you down onto his lap again and wraps his arms around your waist* You'll never lose my love."
=giggles like a school girl~.= x3 <33

We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as a scar
under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Whenever I'm alone with you tonight
Like being in love with you for the first time

We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home

Fuck I'm in love...
Yet.. I'm still too shy to admit it..

...
...
...
Why is most of my writing ALWAYS about him?! >///////<;; Lovesick dork..

Song: Only One For Me.
Arist: Brian Mcknight.


..So. I guess this is entry two.

Iuno.

This is really weird.

This week wasn't so hot.

Come to think of it. I've been listening to that song for almost an hour, and barely caught any lyrics to it.

So.

Monday. Day off school, was pretty good. Lonely day, barely any sleep.
Tuesday. Had a severe panic attack. Another lonely day. Barely any sleep. Spent most of the day trying to recover from the attack. Because it was that bad..
Wednesday. Still recovering. Took forever to fall asleep. Then woke up at 1:30 with blood-sucking bugs on my face. =shudder.= Was up for the rest of the night.
Thursday. Was tired from being up most of the night. Couldn't do any work. Owen, the new guinea pig from the Rescue, came to us. Spent most of the day helping with that.
Friday. More yelling than usual by the family. More.. Listening to how much they dislike me. Gabe lost his cell phone. Nathan gave it to me. And then.. I had to run through to the other side of the school (Weak lungs do not approve of this running) to catch Gabe before school ended. And guess what. Yeah. He ended up kissing me on the cheek in front of my best friend, zee gossip queen, Crys. And.. Gabe.. He knows I'm taken..
Everyday: Being yelled at, insulted. Treated like shit for my existence. Fun stuff, kiddies. And being really lonely.
Today. Went to Anime North, the anime convention here. Met up with friends. Bought a few things (Mostly Hinata based..). Bought him something. Bought sis something. Bought my friends a few things, only to have them save they were tired and wanted to go home, which pretty much meant that I had to go back home. Rode

I also have to write an essay for Sociology/Psychology/Anthropology class, then present it. Plus one for English that I over-did the extension. Because I cant work. I can't concentrate. And study for my Biology exam and do extra credit so I might actually pass.. Plus hand in a Biology lab. And start my new English project.. But guess what. I cant freaking concentrate to do anything.

Oh god.
Oh god.
Oh god.

And I miss another night of being with him.. And. Again, I cant help but cry. because maybe if I wasn't so stubborn.. Maybe then he's know how much he really means to me..

Love hurts.
...Yeah. Really original thar' Kami.
But it's true.
Because it hurts so damn much.. Being this close, yet so damn far away.
I don't know why I'm admitting this.. But.. Even if it means I see him less, I find.. I cant smile as much. Or act happy around people. It's.. Like some crazy addiction where I crave the love. I'm.. Okay with just talking. With just being together.
Why is that so much to ask for?

Shit.. I've spent all weekend crying. And shit ain't even that bad. Guess thas'what happens when you keep things inside, and let them build..

Cats and wolfs don't mix.
NaruHina will never work.
Certain people were just made to be alone.

And maybe..
Just maybe..
I can't live without you..
Happy now that I admitted it..?


He said he can't live without me either..
I really wish that were true..

Hold fuck I sound like a drama queen.
Ugh.

Song Two: Is It You.
Artist Two: Cassie.

Something as simple as "cheer up" made me cry..